BAND MEMBER PROFILES
Jeff Rankin “Jewsef”
Bass & Vocals
Jeff is a prick. And he’s a short prick at that. But I have to admit, after a twelve pack, he’s one hell of a dancer. To give the little Hobbit his due, he’s really solid on the bass guitar as well. When we first stumbled upon Jeff, he was living in a luxury condo that was paid for by his 5th wife. She had the place stocked chalk full of beer and booze. So we hung out for a few days drinking and throwing down beats…when the beer ran dry, we slipped Jeff a “Mickey”, and Jesse had his way with him. The rest is now history.
Heber Wadsworth “The H-Bomb”
Drums & Vocals
Heber is a mute who hunts neighborhood animals with a Bee Bee Gun. He does this because he believes that the animals have all banded together to take over the planet and enslave the human race. Heber decided that the best thing to do about this problem, would be to systematically kill every animal in the local vicinity and work his way outward.
Jesse Gonzales “Pee-Pee Gonzales”
Guitar and Vocals
Jesse’s guitar sounds like this: xvbsdnfgbts gtwroughv (piss break) xcnvdfbns dgbsrtoih rtyoibns iroytbnsrtoibs xvbsdnfgbts gtwroughv (piss break) xcnvdfbns dgbsrtoih xvbsdnfgbts gtwroughv (piss break) xcnvdfbns dgbsrtoih xvbsdnfgbts gtwroughv (piss break) xcnvdfbns dgbsrtoih xvbsdnfgbts gtwroughv (piss break) xcnvdfbns dgbsrtoih xvbsdnfgbts gtwroughv (piss break) xcnvdfbns dgbsrtoih xvbsdnfgbts gtwroughv (piss break) xcnvdfbns dgbsrtoih (piss break)
Lawrence Carberry “Big Larry”
Lead guitar, Trumpet, Keyboards, Vocals
Larry was born on the Isle of Crete. He is the son of Athena and the one eyed Cyclops. As a demigod he was granted mystical powers. Included in these powers was the ability to create the most perfect song. The news of Larry’s birth reached Zeus, and in a jealous rage he set a curse upon him that sent him into a state of amnesia. Larry wandered the planet for a millennia never knowing his name and his birth right. Then we found him. Jesse slipped him a “Mickey” and the rest is history.
Jones
Lead Vocals
Jones is an alien from outer space. He was brought here by a rocket ship from his exploded home world called Salinas. Because of the solar radiation from our yellow sun, he has been forced underground and has to make his living selling girl scouts.
